Blue Island Letter #8

Here's the current "jump into Leshelle's brain" time:

I try to imagine myself years from now. What will I see when I think back on my mission? What will come to mind? Who will I think of? What will make me smile to remember?

Thinking back on my life, this morning several memories were brought to my mind. They were not of great accomplishments. I don't hardly ever think of winning the county speech contest, student leadership positions, or first place in Parli-Pro. I don't remember awards I've won or recognition received.

Instead, when I inhaled the crisp morning air, my heart filled as my mind went back to mornings with Rashauna. On our way to school in mornings just like that one, we'd crunch the frozen dirt and look over dew covered fields. The brisk air also reminds me of walking to morning classes in Reno, which was always a peaceful, quiet, and reflective time each morning. I remember cool softball days. I don't remember my classes, or whether or not we won the softball game. I only remember walking and feeling, playing and loving it.

I was flooded with memories this morning. Not one of them was a big, special event. They were all normal, daily activities. Building cities in the sand with Seth's matchbox cars, going for Sunday walks in Roseville, watching baseball games at BYU.

I remember with joy the times in life where I simply enjoyed the journey. Those are memories I love. The accomplishments, the stresses, the recognition, the popularity of the past doesn't even exist. I don't remember the goal or destination; I only remember the journey well traveled.

I remember sitting on rocking chairs in Costa Rica, talking to Rashauna. I don't remember the exotic things we saw or what we got done in the programs. I simply remember the peace and joy of being with her. I remember conversations while driving with Mom. What did we get done? I have no idea! Though, I remember that feeling. Working with Dad, stopping to eat lunch. I don't know what I worked on. But, I remember enjoying that time. Photo shoots with Brans; a road trip years ago with Taraleigh, walking to the store with Taven or pushing baby Riah's stroller in the endless Montana expanse with no destination in mind. Seth running into my room to wake me up in the mornings; waking baby Kaniesha up to play even though she was supposed to be napping. I remember feeling love and comfort with the people that matter most, whether or not we were not doing anything "significant". I don't remember that part of it anyway.

I remember people along the way, not where I was going or what I was aiming for.

I'm not going to remember how many lessons I taught on my mission. I won't remember specific days of success and accomplishment. I won't remember the cool landmarks of Chicago.

Years from now, when I'll look back on my time as a missionary, I will remember moments on my knees in which I knew without a doubt that God was listening. I'll remember Hermana Mackley's laugh. I will remember kids asking me for stickers. I will never fail to feel joy as I recall Monica's letters and random gifts in these months. I will remember the landmarks in my heart. I'll remember the journey well traveled, not the destinations reached.

So, although I don't have many destinations to report, I do have lots of journeys to tell of. I'm trying to better live the journey instead of worry so much about where I'm trying to go.